I’ve been evaluating the quality of my friendships for quite some time now. I would like to say I dont have a lot of friends, but that would be unfair, because I have a lot of people that I feel blessed to call my friends. People who support me, and have been there for me in amazing times, and times where Ive felt like I was down in the pitts and I’d like to hope its reciprocal. Friendship like any relationships needs attention in order to thrive. I wanted to share a few ways on how I try to invest in my friendships.
Be present- Unrequited love sucks- romantic relationships or not. In my opinion a lack of effort shows a lack of interest. People are likely to do for you when they know that you wouldn’t hesitate to support them as they do you. Friendship isn’t tit for tat, but it’s can be unmotivating to cross oceans for people who wouldn’t cross puddles for you.
But what does it really mean to be present? I like to think of being present as beyond physically being avail because truth is life happens, and physical proximity just isn’t always possible. Being present to me looks like, paying attention, asking questions, engaging, not assuming (working on this) and meeting people where they are at. I can’t stress the importance of meeting people where they are at. We’ve got to learn to meet people where they’re at and help them develop.
Asking for what you need. I like to think of asking for what you need as a good form of self advocacy. Relationships are likely to drift apart when we feel like our needs aren’t being met. Doesn’t it suck when you feel like people aren’t there for you? People aren’t mind readers, and can’t always anticipate our needs; so for the sake the relationship, it helps to let people know what you need, and also asking them what they need. Sometimes asking for what you need requires some vulnerability, and that can be hard for some people including myself. Brene Brown said “vulnerability is the birth place of creativity and change”, tell me that’s not good stuff!
3. I don’t subscribe to the “no new friends” stance. I welcome new friend opportunities, but as you get older building genuine relationships can prove to be somewhat difficult because there’s a whole 30 plus years that this person is just catching up on and vice versa, and the question of trust comes into play. Like, how much can I trust you, vice versa. These things take time, obviously. However, I’m always weary of the people who are friends with everyone or have to question where a person’s loyalty lie.
Bonus: I would be remiss in leaving out communication, because what’s any relationship without solid communication? It can be pretty difficult to friendship without it. Like being able to say, hey that happened and I felt like this. That means sharing sharing when you’re good and bad news. Communication means no secret keeping. If I can’t trust you to be open about the small things or celebrate your success, are we even friends? Cheers to being friends who are there during highs and low. I don’t know about you, but it’s important for me to have friends celebrate the good times just as much as the ugly.
I’ll end with one of my favorite quotes-
“Be a woman other women can trust. Have the courage to tell another woman she has offended, hurt or disappointed you. Successful women have tribe of loyal and honest women behind them”
Tell me in the comments how you keep your friendship game on point?
Communication is one of the ways i keep my friendship game on point. Being open with one another and expressing myself when i feel i have been offended. Not everyone will be receptive towards your complaints however, what are friends for if we can not be truly open to one another.